I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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