last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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