Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
