you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
