just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.