he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The uberlube is also flammable
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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