i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
