its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
