I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
