Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
