Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
