I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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