Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
