my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
