you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
