Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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