Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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