I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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