please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
