Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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