I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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