My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
