i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish I only lived at night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
