There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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