just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
