I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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