there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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