I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
