remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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