There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
