Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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