Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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