Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
