Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
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she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
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ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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