You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
