My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize