also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
