I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
