im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
