Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
