are you still at the devil's house?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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