East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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