Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
