i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
