y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
