I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
