dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
