My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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