Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
