god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
send nudes
from the living room?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
