Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
