Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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