just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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