she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
