One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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