I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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