level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
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I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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