are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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