I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
