mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
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I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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