She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have tasted many bathrooms
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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