you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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