I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
