Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
