At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
