Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
