i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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