Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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