i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
