Someone shit on the floor
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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