ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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