I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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