I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have post one night stand depression
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
