i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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