We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
