No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
