Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
