What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
