escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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