I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
