He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
God I need to hump something, right now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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