I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
