brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
